What's that? I was thinking so loud I couldn't hear you! Often while one listens to another they are simultaneously running thoughts of their own which may be relevant to the subject matter at hand or not. Attention can be refracted through our senses like light is through a prism. It can also be honed in like a laser, focused and precise.
When one chooses to be a good listener, they employ all their senses. Open attentive body language - good eye-contact, relaxed, astute posture and calm, rhythmic breathing help to establish and practice healthy physical presence while listening to others. Respectful body-language creates opportunity for good listening and models healthy, considerate physical awareness, that others will appreciate.
Practicing good listening skills, enables one to hear better, however what is heard is subject to how one takes what is being said. A simple statement such as, "I thought you would be home already." may be heard as, "I'm disappointed you aren't already home." This is the result of listening with filters. Filters are subconscious beliefs waiting for validation. In this case, the listener's filter popped up to validate the belief that once again "I" have disappointed you (revealing an underlying point of contingency). Listening with filters can cause lots of communication turmoil.
Being a good listener requires taking responsibility for your "filters" and refraining from immediately concluding that what you heard corresponds with what the person was trying to relay. It also, requires patience and understanding that the individual speaking may not be expressing their thoughts as clearly as desired. Good communication skills begin with good listening and continues with good dialogue. It's beneficial to repeat back in ones own words, what was gathered from the information shared. It's surprising how often what is intended to be construed is completely misconstrued and wrongly interpreted by the person in audience.
Emotions tend to vacillate during communication. At times individuals get caught up in their emotional reactions. This may enable individual judgement, behaviour and words to be dictated by the upheaval of emotions rather then centered in clear, focused, consciousness and loving intention, necessary for healthy communication skills. If emotions take over a conversation and craziness begins to occur for either one or both participants then pause should be taken before continuing.
Taking pause helps emotional turbulence settle and allows time for consideration. It's important however, to address the topic again at a later time. Both parties should work together to reach some sort of conclusion, even if it is to agree to disagree.
Being a good listener helps others better express what they have to say. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting ones "Self" out of the way!
No comments:
Post a Comment